About four years ago, God convicted me about my food. At that time, I was hiding food and binging in secret. I was making excuses to be able to be alone with my food and it was coming between me and my husband and between me and God. It had become sin. It had become an idol for me. I realized that Satan had a stronghold over me when it came to my eating. Have you ever done a word study on stronghold? I did once and it is convicting to me that I have allowed something to have control over me (a strong hold on me) rather than holding "strong" onto God. He is supposed to be my stronghold. (That is for another post though!) I wasn't completely ready to deal with this right when I felt convicted, but I did begin to change slowly. About 2 1/2 years ago, I was finally ready to get help. I have made great progress and went 2 years without a binge and a full year with no sugar at all. I lost almost 40 pounds and felt great. Then I let it go, bit by bit - so slowly that I could ignore the danger until it was too late.
Where I am now is that I am seeing how I let go of the things that were helping me. I have reconnected with much of that. I am still not spending time with God as I should and my food is all over the place. I have had a few good days in the last two weeks which is more than I can say for the few months before that. I have not exercised since I was put on restricted activity and I now have 33 pounds to lose. But you know, I am not wanting to do this for the weight loss. I need to get back to what is right. I need to depend on God and not sin in the area of food.
When I first was convicted that my relationship with food had become a sin for me, I started searching the scriptures for verses related to two topics: sin and the consequences of sin, and God's promises to me and my identity in Christ. I wrote down all the verses I found and tonight I read through them and what comfort the Word of the Lord has! I am convinced that if I want to get back to a healthy place with food, I must be in the Word. Psalm 119:11 reminds me that it is when I hide God's word in my heart that I am able to keep from sinning. I also know that when I confess my sin, it is God who blots out my sin and remembers it no more. (Is. 43:25) And although this will be a struggle for me, it is a battle worth fighting. Yet, I am not the one who will truly fight it. I love Deuteronomy 20:4, "For the Lord your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory." I know this promise was made specifically to the Israelite soldiers, but I take great comfort in the fact that when God expects his people to fight, he does not make them go into battle alone. He also fights for his people! And he promises that when I seek him, I will find him; and when I pray to him, He will listen to me! (Jer. 29:11-13)
So my plan is simple:
- Seek God with my whole heart and commit my days and my food to him.
- In the next few weeks, begin to gently exercise again as my body continues to heal from giving birth.
- Refrain from overeating - especially in the afternoon, which is my "trouble" time each day.
I recognize that this is only a small beginning and that in order to be successful, I will need more specific and measurable goals, but it is a start. Thanks to Brenda for getting this Fitness Friday thing going!