One Thing Does it Again

One Thing. I miss her blog. But she posted a link to this yesterday and I identify with it very much.

My favorite part is this:

"Motherhood is a Formal Enquiry, not “a challenge”. It is an Interrogation. Motherhood grabs you by the neck, slings you into a hard metal chair, angles a white hot light in your face and demands an accounting. It cross-examines you until you are no longer sure of who you are and can give no reasonable explanation for just what, exactly, you thought you were doing."

Yeah, motherhood isn't for wimps.

Go read the rest. You'll be glad you did.

Shrugging Along

So I picked up a copy of Atlas Shrugged at my library this week. Holy Cow! This is a huge book! (And the cover bothers my husband. He saw it and said, "What's this book with a naked man on the cover?" I'm so tired these days, I hadn't even noticed that there was a naked man on the cover...lol) But if Granny says it is a worthwhile read, I will give it a go. My one problem is that my main times to read are while nursing and while eating breakfast. This book is so thick that it is hard to hold while nursing and doesn't lay flat to lay on the table to read it while eating. Oh, and the print is so small that I feel like I need to get some reading glasses!

I also got another book at my favorite book store tonight. Andrew has resisted all my tried and true methods for sleep training, and he is still not taking any nap during the day that is longer than 20 minutes! For the last three weeks, he has averaged five hours of crying a day, and only put himself to sleep for a nap in his crib twice. Both times it was after over an hour of crying. (Which explains why I've had so little posted here lately...) I think it is time to consider a new method. I'll let you know how it goes!

Ella's Interview

Ella made this for our front yard. In case you can't read it, it says "He died for us." Isn't she cool. My kids rock. I'm waiting for the HOA to tell us to remove it because it's not allowed.

I interviewed the kids. Their answers were bizarre. I don't think they think. I mean, Aaron's answers were so cognizant but my girls' answers are...weird. Do they live with me every day? I mean...sheesh. Maybe I should have Del ask them the same questions. Maybe they thought I'd yell at them if they "got the answer wrong." I tried to tell them there was no wrong answer.

Without further adieu, Ella's responses:

1. What is something mom always says to you? “wait a while” (LOL, that’s a good one and so true)
2. What makes your mom happy? when Anna smiles
3. What makes mom sad? teaching Sarah to read (oh, how sad is that. I’m an awful mommy)
4. How does your mom make you laugh? when she tickles me
5. What was your mom like as a child? I don't really know because I wasn’t there.
6. How old is your mom? 32
7. How tall is your mom? don’t know
8. What is her favorite thing to do? sew
9. What does your mom do when you're not around? mop the floor
10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for? sewing
11. What is your mom really good at? making bread
12. What is your mom not good at? drawing toads
13. What does your mom do for a job? takes care of five kids
14. What is your mom's favorite food? bibimbap (this is not true, I like bread way better, but bibimbap is really good)
15. What makes you proud of your mom? the things she makes (sews)
16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be? a clown (WHAT?! That’s it, kid; you’re out of the will)
17. What do you and your mom do together? bake stuff
18. How are you and your mom the same? same eyes
19. How are you and your mom different? feet (this girl has got some long, slender feet with bad arches. She can almost wear my shoes already and she’s only 7. My feet are teeny, chubby and have fantastic arches)
20. How do you know your mom loves you? she gives me kisses every night
21. What does your mom like most about your dad? he’s brown (I admit that Del’s lovely brown skin makes my stomach turn happy flips, but there are other things that I like about him, too. Like his…oh, yeah, this is a family blog…his excellent mind)
22. Where is Mom's favorite place to go? The craft room

And the High-flier Comes Down With a Thump

I've been convicted strongly lately that I'm not really holding up my end of the bargain here. I'm using this pregnancy thing way too much as a poor excuse as to why dinner wasn't ready today, or why our bedroom is so unorganized or...whatever. I keep expecting Del to just shut down on me and become resentful but he hasn't. He keeps showering me with love and admiration and encouragement and patience. I don't deserve it, but boy am I ever grateful for such faith in me. This really all speaks heavily to our relationship with God and his faithfulness to us despite our constant failings and betrayals. I love seeing the much larger picture of God's love for us played out in my own marriage with Del's love for me, despite my failings. It's amazing.

Anyway, I did so well on Friday. And then on Saturday it (whatever that is) all came crashing down around me and continued on to Sunday. Then for some reason this morning I'm back on the wagon again. I don't get it. There are two main things that I think contributed to my lack of function on the weekend.

1) Del's home. Can't he pick up the slack?
2) The TV is on a lot more.

As to the first, I don't get a vacation on the weekend just because Del's home. Whether he's home or not the house is still my domain. The dishes still must be cleaned, the kids fed, the laundry done and general order kept in the house. I cannot "check out" just because I have back up. Plus, this isn't Del's domain. The poor man has no idea what my daily routine is so how is he to be expected to maintain it when he's home on the weekends?

The second. Basically this weekend we watched the Ryder Cup and football. All. Day. Long. While riveting and interesting, the television is a time sap, an energy sap and a waste of time, generally. I've read many articles about why we should just chuck out TV into the dump, and truthfully often I find that to be the most appealing choice. But I honestly can't do that because we like to relax watching mindless action flicks and let the kids watch VeggieTales and stuff like that. My big problem with the TV is that I don't control the time factor very well. It starts to become part of the family when it should just be a temporary distraction. Hmmm....

But anyway, the point of this post is that this morning I was about to go on a mad clean up since I did so little over the weekend when I recalled a little tidbit I read over at Terry's. Basically she said she makes a small list of things to accomplish for herself everyday and keeps it that simple. That's a pretty good idea, I think and I've been contemplating the strategy every since she first posted about it. The list is the "must do" and anything else is icing on the cake.

I made this list for myself today:

- school
- dinner
- read to Sarah
- laundry
- straighten my bedroom

So far, I've done dinner and the laundry and half of school. Plus I made scones, cleaned up the kitchen and got the girls to CLEAN UP THEIR ROOM. Bonus. I think I'll try this method for a while. Maybe it'll stick. I know that dinner should be just a foregone conclusion, but often if I don't remind myself to prepare for dinner, dinner ends up being eggs and toast...again. AND, I must make this list the night before. It's motivation for me to get out of bed.


On a totally different topic: we did go see the house again this weekend. I can hardly believe that in just a few weeks this will be our house. We picked out a dishwasher, microwave, range and refrigerator for the kitchen. We might need to get the countertops replaced. I know those seem really expensive, but it's cheaper than remodeling the entire kitchen and with the range and microwave it will be like having three ovens. I CAN'T WAIT! It'll be so fun to be able to bake/cook many things at once instead of waiting until one is done so I can do another. Plus, we won't pay full price for any of them.

Speaking of countertops, what do you like? I know that granite is all the rage these day but I just don't get it. It's terribly expensive and bad, bad, bad for your knives!!! I sort of like Corian. What would you put in if you could have your choice of countertops?

I Am a Flower In the Countryside

Psalm 193:13-16
Just as a father has compassion on his children,
ADONAI has compassion on those who fear him.
For he understands how we are made,
he remembers that we are dust.
Yes, a human being’s days are like grass,
he sprouts like a flower in the countryside –
but when the wind sweeps over, it’s gone;
and its place know it no more.

Proverbs 14:1
Every wise woman builds up her home,
but a foolish one tears it down with her own hands.

Faith. Family.

I think that particular proverb must be my very favorite ever. You can read it in so many different ways and it still instructs us to take care of our home, not just our house.

These two passages from the Bible really press upon me where our priorities should be as women of faith, mothers of faith. I’ve heard it said often by women who have children and then go outside the home for a job that they “want to make a difference in the world.” I think that’s all well and good; we all want to make a difference in our world, but the Bible clearly says here that our time on earth is fleeting and meaningless. In the end, your impact is biggest on your children and your husband, and to entrust your children’s care to relative strangers and compete with your husband over who’s career is more important is “tearing your house down with your own hands” only to have your existence and “difference” forgotten about relatively quickly in the span of time.

When I think about my grandmother, who died nearly four years ago, I wonder who remembers her. Her husband, her daughters, and her grandchildren do. I’m sure that there are people out there scratching their heads trying to remember “what that lady’s name was,” but it’s her family that still thinks of the difference she made in our lives, we still cook her recipes and talk about her over dinner.

It does make me wonder why we still ponder over things that people have said in the past, like Aristotle and Plato. I’ll admit I haven’t studied them to any degree that is notable; did they say anything that is truly worth repeating? Or do we just contemplate their speeches because we like to think we think deeply. You can’t deny that people have said and done things in the past that have left a lasting impression on the world. Martin Luther, Mother Theresa and Abraham Lincoln all come to mind in an instant. But they weren’t mothers.

I am thankful today that God understands that I am simply dust and he loves me and forgives me when I start tearing my house down with my own hands. I am thankful for all the blessings he has bestowed on me and for a mind clear enough to see and appreciate them as the blessings that they are. I think I’ll go do some laundry.

Not Your Nature Television

Yesterday we went on a Fabulous Family Adventure. Don't you just love those? We went to the Alafia River State Park and hiked, picnicked and played on their playground, screamed at bugs, bled, threw rocks and sticks and leaves and oohed and aahed at all the wonders of God's great creation.

Having grown up hiking and camping mainly in southwest Colorado and northwest New Mexico the flora and fauna of Florida is so different. I miss the aspen trees and columbines and the smell of pine trees and the rocks you can pick up anywhere and throw in the rivers. It's hard to find rocks in Florida. It's all sand and these teeny little excuses for rocks. Makes gardening easier, but not quite as fun when you're hiking.

One thing that I learned yesterday had something to do with the whole communication issue in regards to Shepherding a Child's Heart. I find myself often being bored or uninterested in what my kids are talking to me about and it's usually because they are retelling me parts of movies they've seen over and over and over again. As I was tucking the kids in last night I stopped and talked to Sarah in depth about her day, asking her what her favorite part was and what her least favorite part was and it was genuinely fun talking to her about our adventures. I am starting to consider the television and it's distractions and divisive qualities as one of the biggest detriments to a good, quality communication relationship with my kids. This is something that God is really convicting me about. I am not convinced that all television time is inherently evil (although I'm willing to discuss the merits of this argument), but I am of the persuasion that our family watches too much T.V.

On a lighter note, someone please tell me what the deal is with this...frog. We thought he was a new frog with his "tadpole" still attached but he's awfully big to be a baby frog, we thought. It's a little creepy.

(Re)Considering Ballet

As you know, we have the two older girls in a dance class each. Sarah's is ballet, tap, tumbling for an hour and Ella's is ballet for 45 minutes. I have had conflicting feelings about sending the girls to a dance class from the very beginning, often saying things about "poise", "grace" and "discipline" to ease any conscience pricks that may have arisen.

From my reading post, you also know that I have had the intention to read Tedd Tripp's Shepherding a Child's Heart. So, I have been waking up with Del and after he leaves I read my bible and a book until the kids wake up. I am reading Mr. Tripp's book and it is quite a doozy; very conscience pricking.

Here's my issue with ballet.

We are to have a God-oriented, God-glorifying, God-pleasing life.

1) We can get them to ballet on time every week without fail but we can't get them to church? We don't even do a simple Sunday service at home in our house. We don't even do a daily bible study, but we sure can get them to ballet on time.

2) Are we sending them to ballet because of the social pressure of giving your child what makes them happy? The "grace" thing doesn't always resonate with me considering what I see them learning in class. They learn the recital and not the discipline of ballet. The only reason we sent them in the first place is because Sarah asked to go and we like to give them things that make them happy.

3) Does ballet counteract our modesty message? I don't want them in the recital because I don't want them performing in public in tights and a leotard, but does simply sending them to ballet give them mixed messages about beauty and modesty?

4) What is the end purpose of ballet? Does it glorify God? If we are teaching them that everything we do glorifies God, is ballet what they should be doing at this time?

Some things that Tedd brought up that have made me consider these things are:

We homeschool; we "refuse to have them influenced by secular humanism in school, but will expose them to unbiblical ideas of beauty in dance class."

"Many families who always have time for team practice are unable to organize family life around regular times of family Bible reading and prayer. What values are taught?"

From the shorter catechism:
Q: What is the chief end of man?
A: Man's chief end is to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever.

"You must equip your children to function in a culture that has abandoned the knowledge of God. If you teach them to use their abilities, aptitudes, talents and intelligence to make their lives better, without reference to God, you turn them away from God. If your objectives are anything other than "Man's chief end is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever," you teach your children to function in the culture on its terms."

All these things are making me question ballet, at this time. I feel we as a family need to put more of an emphasis on glorifying God on a daily basis, before we venture out into other activities.

I also think that because I homeschool, I desired to put them into ballet so that I could prove to other people that we are normal; we do normal things, just like everyone else. This is hardly a God-glorifying reason to put them in such an expensive and time consuming activity.

Weekend Update

We have an executed contract on the house we're trying to buy; we're just waiting for the bank to approve it. Our realtor and the loan guy are both positive that the bank will just sign the papers and hand over the keys. This is the closest we've ever been to being $250,000 in debt. It's a wee bit scary.

We went to visit my grandma over the weekend. I remember as I was growing up, watching myself get taller than her; at the same time I was getting taller, she was shrinking. I can't wait to be as short and cute and lovable as she is and to be surrounded by my family. We went on a walk and saw two alligators and rescued a huge turtle.

I was thinking about righteousness. When I think about my life I know I've fallen way short of God's expectations. I get nervous about God's judgement; how is that going to go down? Once when I was 13 I asked my (ex)uncle if ,when God was judging me, I'd be embarrassed. He barked basically that I should be more concerned about obeying God than being embarrassed. He was very unsympathetic to a young teen wondering about God. Anyway, sometimes I still think about that. I'm not so worried about being embarrassed as far as what other people will think of me, but what God will think of me. "Not righteous," is what I'm thinking. (This is a lot of thinking, I think.) Anyway, what eases my worry is that God credited Abraham's trust as righteousness (Genesis 15:6). Abraham was not always trusting, or obedient, yet God still called him righteous. This gives me comfort on two levels. 1) God is just and we can trust him to judge us justly, 2) Abraham was just. like. me.

Trying For Perfection

It's the rage these days for SAHMoms to make all sort of claims of trying to be a Proverbs 31 wife. I've had a problem with this for a while. When I read that passage in the bible I feel nothing but guilt and a horrible overwhelming sense of falling far, far, far and did I mention far short of that fine lady. I think she's unattainable and so I rebel at even trying to become her. The fact of the matter is I am not perfect and as far as I can tell, the lady described therein is perfect. I bet she never yells at her kids or gets irritated with her husband.

Anyway, one of the things that sticks with me is verse 15 where the Bible says, "She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls." I mean, why can't I have a servant girl? No, just kidding, that's not what sticks with me.

I noticed several months ago as Del was struggling through his 5:15 a.m. wake up call and then later at 8 a.m. my daughters coming into my room to get me out of bed that I was a lazy wife and mom. I mean, that Proverbs 31 lady gets up while it's still dark and gets stuff done before her family get up and makes them food. My children were having to drag me out of bed and poor Del was left to be miserable and lonely in the dark while I snuggled deeper under the covers.

Starting on Monday I got up at 5:15 with Del. I got dressed, packed his lunch and chatted with him until he left for work. Then I made myself a pot of coffee and folded two baskets of laundry and then started two more loads. The kids were up at 7:15, and I gave them breakfast and we finished school before lunchtime. Can I just tell you how fabulous this is? I know you already wake up that early. For me, just knowing that I was not being a lazy, selfish shell of a mother and wife has been freeing.

The laundry is done every day, school is getting done consistently, breakfast is being had before 8 or 9 every morning and I'm even getting other projects done like sewing all those clothes I've promised to make and CLEANING THE BATHROOMS. The transition hasn't been totally smooth because we've all been very sick this week, but even so it's been better than when I rolled out of bed at or after 8 to the kids all saying, "Mom, can I have breakfast."

Maybe she is attainable. One verse at a time...