I Have a Few Thoughts Here

I just have to show you these totally cute pictures. Lily ate one of my cupcake bites, and Anna finally found her thumb.

Ayn Rand - I still cannot find that silly book. I'm very frustrated about this. Here's the story. Last Friday we went to the AirFest. I packed up the diaper bag (just a backpack with diapers in it) with extra diapers, changes of clothes and Atlas Shrugged, thinking that maybe I'd get a moment to read. I haven't seen it since. I've cleaned out the van two times, once more thoroughly than the first time, I've scoured the house, I've looked in my parents' van. Did I drop it? How frustrating. Now I am really kicking myself for not buying the audio version when it was on sale for $4.95 at Audible.com. I could have listened to it while sewing Ella's dress, Sarah's dress and many other times. I may have to get an iPod. I did notice though, that if I sign up for Audible they'll let me have Atlas Shrugged for about $7.50 instead of nearly $50. I may do that if I can't find the book by this weekend.

I did read Playing For Pizza by John Grisham. I used to read all his books but he got redundant and I learned about as much as I could possibly handle about lawyers. Playing for Pizza is about football though and while interesting I found the writing style to be elementary. I think he wrote that book in a serious hurry; the plot is shallow. It was an easy read though; I finished it in about 36 hours, even amongst all the other tasks I had to do and sleeping twice. It was nice to finish a book fast like that. I can still read!!! WOOHOO. I was beginning to wonder.

Oswald Chambers. I'm not sure I like this bible study. I just don't get it. It's My Utmost For His Highest. Two days in a row I've just been shaking my head wondering what in the heck Mr. Chambers is talking about. It's an "updated" version for all us modern people. I wonder if I'd like the older version better.

Getting up. Day three. Two days in a row now I've almost stayed in bed but both days I've been very glad I got up. I like kissing Del on his way out the door and having time to leisurely write blog posts, read my bible and today I'm going to fold three loads of laundry. I like it so far.

Psalm and Proverbs. Whenever I start reading my bible on a regular basis, I am constantly wanting to quote extensively here. This morning I read a bunch of Psalms and Proverbs. I just can help it, I have to tell you my favorite parts.

Proverbs 17
9 - He who conceals an offense promotes love,
but he who harps on it can separate even close friends.
27, 28 - A knowledgeable person controls his tongue;
a discerning person controls his temper
Even a fool, if he stays silent, is thought wise;
he who keeps his mouth shut can pass for smart.

Have you read Psalm 139 lately?
Here's 1-6 but the whole chapter is worth memorizing.

Adonai, you have probed me, and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I stand up,
you discern my inclinations from afar,
you scrutinize my daily activities.
You are so familiar with all my ways
that before I speak even a word,
you know all about it already.
You have hemmed me in both behind and in front
and laid your hand on me.
Such wonderful knowledge is beyond me,
far too high for me to reach.

From the Complete Jewish Bible.

Alright, I Admit It

I like Terry. She's in my head. I don't know how she got there, but she writes what I think but don't have the ability to verbalize. It's neat to read what I'm thinking and I didn't have to write a single thing. Wow, thanks Terry.

My biggest problem with Terry isn't really a problem. It's more like conviction. Which in the end, is hardly a bad thing.

I am sure that at least 99% of the believing population can empathize with me when I say that I have a hard time finding time to read my bible, study the word and spend some time in prayer. Doesn't everyone? This morning as I lay in bed thinking about this, I finally decided that I'd spend more time in prayer and reading my bible if every single moment of the day wasn't filled with the noise of some child. Screaming, laughing, yelling, giggling, burping, farting...sigh. It's hard to concentrate.

Well, Terry keeps mentioning about how she gets up at 5 in the morning to have some quiet time and pray and read and do other important things like check blogs and induce guilt in her readers. In the past I've just shrugged that idea off because I don't like getting up early...I don't think. Del gets up to go to work at 4:30AM and who in the world wants to do that? Not me. But then, Terry said she gets up at 5, only a half hour after I've been up ironing a shirt for Del and sometimes making him coffee. I usually just go back to sleep. So I'm laying there this morning and feeling very convicted that it's been so long since I actually spent any real time in the Word that I'm not even sure where my bible is. I know where a bible is, but not mine; the one that's marked up and falling apart from use.

It's only a half hour difference.

If I got up I'd have two hours or more to improve my knowledge of God, attune my heart to his, pray for everyone in my family, on my street, in my town, in my state, in my country and all my friends. PLUS, I'd likely still have time to do fun things like read blogs, post stuff on my mostly neglected shared blog, cut out a dress that I want to sew for Sarah, drink a cup of coffee while IT'S HOT (hallelujah). I couldn't think of any negatives except for a couple of hours less sleep. And since Del is up and not getting that sleep, I probably should be, too.

So I got up. I even got dressed.

I knew right where I could find an Oswald Chamber's bible study. I read the first day and all of the book of Philippians, a highly under-quoted book, in my opinion. And I typed out my prayers. I tend to forget where I was and get lost and bored if I'm just praying. I like being able to go back and re-read what I have prayed.

We'll see how long this lasts. It's a matter of will and I am a weak and fallen human.

Hey, maybe I'll be able to read Atlas Shrugged. It's only 6:30! I still have a good hour before the kids wake up. Hmm, I wonder where that book is???

I Needed This Today

The God of all comfort. Thanks for the reminder Terry.

Joanna Shrugged?

A couple of months ago Granny put out a challenge to read Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged. I seriously considered accepting the challenge because Granny has been around the block a few times and when she says "jump", I think the rest of us young 'uns should say "how high?" However I kept thinking about how I didn't even have time to read recipes, let alone books. I mean, I'm on chapter 5 or something like that in Pride and Prejudice. It's pathetic. I'm just too busy.

Anyway, I've been reading some of Michelle Malkin on a daily basis and they keep talking about "Going Galt". As I'm reading I keep wondering "Who is John Galt?" Turns out John Galt is from Atlas Shrugged. I have finally decided that I must read this book. The more of our money Obama spends the more I'm convinced we're headed down the slippery slope of Socialism and I think it's fascinating that Atlas Shrugged was written over 5 decades ago, before Obama was even born.

I checked Amazon and their copies of Atlas Shrugged are between $15 and $25. I thought I'd check out the library. You know what's funny? EVERY SINGLE COPY of Atlas Shrugged that the Hillsborough County Public Library Cooperative has is either checked out or on hold. I am now more convinced than ever that people are worried. People are downright freaked out. It's just hard to believe the main-stream media when they say that 60% of the country has a high approval rating of the Obama administration.

Okay, I will now try to get off of my soap-box. I promise to try to keep politics off of this blog as I know that's not really what it's for. I just had to mention that though.

On to more light-hearted matters: look what I got in the mail on Monday. I'm sorry I haven't posted or at least called you before to let you know. But look, they are in regular use. In the crib, for soothing, next to the diaper changing station, and even in the van. They are just beautiful! I always enjoy having a blanket and burp cloths from you because they are so pretty and they remind me of what a fabulous friend you are! Thank you Johanna and Lyn for the blanket and burp cloths.

Oh and one more thing. I tried the cookies. I was disappointed. Maybe it's because I put caramel chips and chocolate chips in them. They totally fell apart. And then I over baked the others so they are crunchy. They were incredibly easy to whip up though.

Anna is starting to sleep through the night. I put her down for the night at 8:40 last night and she woke up once at 3:23am, then didn't wake again until 7:30. I lay in my bed this morning wondering if she was dead. Isn't that awful. I think a lot about your friend; Anna is amost two months old. I snuck in her room full of trepidation. She was just laying there, wide awake staring at the wall. I snuggled her up good and prayed over her while I nursed her. Why am I so afraid to give her back to Jesus?

Last Wednesday (not yesterday) we went to see the manatees. It was pretty cool.

In Which I Cry With Relief

We've commandeered Lily's crib. Anna needs it. She's outgrown the Moses basket already and she keeps me awake at night with all her grunting and weird noises. Lily is now in the toddler bed; a scary notion to her father and me.

Let me tell you a bit about Lily.

Every kid eats strange stuff. Things an adult would never think to put in their mouths, children taste, put in their mouths or eat. We've had a few problems with this in the past. Ella ate a couple of things we called Poison Control over but we've been pretty darn hardened to what kids eat since then. Until Lily. Lily challenges our sanity with the fear that she will some day kill herself by eating something poisonous or drowning in the toilet. She has an irrational fascination with the toilet and we've found her MANY times playing in the toilet water. Gross. We've also caught her eating things like paint, when we had the house painted, Head and Shoulders shampoo, nails, thumb tacks, dirt (of course), and she does things like: when it rains here the back sliding door tracks fill with water. They are dirty, hard-to-keep-clean tracks and, of course, oiled so that the doors slide smoothly. Lily gets down on all fours and laps the rain water out of the tracks. There is nothing Lily won't put in her mouth.

You can see our fear with putting her in a bed she can get out of. The crib kept her alive while we all slept because she couldn't get out of it...although she did try very hard to get out of the crib, but the climbing is another post entirely. So, we got a gate for her door. I really didn't want to have to do this, but she simply cannot be trusted. It's been a battle to get her to obey us and stay in the bed. The gate just gives us peace of mind that if, in the middle of the night she disobeys, at least she won't eat poison or drown in the toilet.

Last night, Rachel got up and came to our room and then immediately went back to her room. Odd for her; she usually climbs into bed with us. Then I hear the gate opening and closing and feet and more feet and frantic feet and more gate noise. So I drag my tired self out of bed and confront Ella with, "What in the world is going on here???" It was then that panic ensued as Ella informed me that Lily was not in her bed.

We searched the entire house. All the bathrooms, every single room we searched. All the lights were on in the house and Del , Ella and I were calling her name. Can you imagine what was going through our heads??? All the doors were locked so she didn't get out of the house. Why wasn't she answering our calls? And then Del had an epiphany. What's that we see there?

Is that a little butt sticking up in the air?

Let's shed a little more light on the matter.

There she is. Sleeping under Ella's bed.

These aren't the best pictures because I was crying while I was taking them.

And then I hugged her and kissed her and hugged all the kids and kissed them all and thanked God that they were all still safe in their beds.

Aahhh, the Anticipation

So this is the day I said Anna would be born. It's not looking too good. In fact, a C/S is looming on the horizon. Here's the goods:

My OB office does C/Ss on Thursdays at St. Joseph's, where I have opted to deliver (Lily was born there, too). So, I have exactly two extra days to go into labor on my own before Thursday the 15th. On that day, I have a C/S scheduled at 11 in the morning. At this point I just want to cry. I'm trying not to think about it too much. Recovery from a C/S holds many implications for me, the least of which is that another VBAC is next to impossible with these yahoos around here. Pregnancy is already very difficult for me, recovery is usually a breeze but not with a C/S - I don't know how my friend Tina did it four times. My poor mom wants to go back to Maui to be with Dad for four weeks before he (they) come home for good. She plans to stay if I have to have a C/S and I really don't want her to have to do that. I want her to be able to go take care of her husband.

I have been contracting very well since Monday, except for Thursday and Friday. Yesterday I contracted every 4-5 minutes for about an hour or two; I tried not to pay too much attention. I only had two very mild contractions all night long. This is a long labor if that's what this is. Both Rachel and Lily were born on a Tuesday after laboring all weekend and then my water breaking on Monday, late at night.

I'm a little depressed about this, so please pray that I will accept whatever it is that God's will is for this babe and my life with grace and gratefulness. There is so much to learn from what God challenges you with and I don't want to stomp on it whilst whining and crying like a baby.

I think I might need to take a nap.

Have you ever wondered if God really cares about all the minuscule details of your life? Have you ever wondered if he really knows each little emotion you are feeling? Although I do not think I have actively questioned either of these things, I did not completely understand the implications of his precise care for me until today.

Our adoption process has been one huge learning experience for me, and I am sure that it will continue to be so. Over the past five months, I have experienced every high and low emotion I can think of because of this process. When we first got started, I had two different people tell me that it would be a roller coaster ride, with highs, lows, and all points in between. Boy! Were they right! God has taught me to truly trust him. He has taught me much about what it really means to "let go and let God." He has shown me the meaning of the word sovereign. But what I learned today was that not only does he know my every need, no matter how tiny, but he anticipates my needs and is working on meeting them before I even know the need exists! This is so special to me, because as a wife and mom I feel like I am constantly anticipating the needs of my husband and children. I think that is good and right, but I have to admit that I sometimes feel neglected in this area. I have been known to throw a pity party or two, wallowing in the fact that I spend all my time anticipating their needs, yet they cannot seem to notice a single one of mine and meet it without me asking! What I learned (and am still learning, I'm sure) is that I was looking in the wrong place to have my needs anticipated and met without me asking. God has been doing this for me, and I haven't even noticed! How neglected he must feel!

As I posted a couple weeks ago, because of Hurricane Ike I did not go to Houston. Instead, I mailed my final document to Austin and decided that when it came back I would then make the call about whether to drive the complete dossier to Houston myself or hire a courier, mail the documents to the courier, and have them walk them into the Consulate for me. As this last week progressed, I knew the document would be returning from Austin soon and I began to get all my ducks in a row for Houston. The Consulate resumed their regular services on Wednesday, but I have been having more and more contractions and they are less and less related to my activity level. So I began looking at the courier more seriously. One thing I discovered was that the Consulate was scheduled to be closed October 1-3 for a Chinese national holiday. Well, this morning the doorbell rang at 8:30AM. Our document was back! After much initial elation, I began to do the math. "Send the dossier on Monday, courier receives it on Tuesday, they take it to the Consulate on Wednesday...Oh, wait! The consulate is closed on Wednesday. They couldn't take it until next Monday. Then, even if we pay for expedited service, it wouldn't be done until Tuesday, mailed back on Wednesday, and I wouldn't get it until Thursday. That's almost two weeks even with the rush fees!" So I talked to Jerry about how we could get it there sooner. Since I really cannot sit in the car that long anymore, or go that far from my doctor, he decided that if I felt strongly about it, he would leave Sunday morning around 4:00AM to drive it to my brother's house and still get home about the time we came home from church. Then my brother would have to take it to the Consulate Monday for the rush service. Since that plan hinged on my brother's ability to go to the Consulate first thing Monday morning (since he does have a job and all...) I called. He couldn't go Monday morning, but without even asking if my sister-in-law could, she yells in the background that she can do it! Then, my brother says, "Wait! I may be able to save Jerry the trip here." As it turns out, one of our friends is already driving down to Houston tomorrow to help my brother rebuild his fence, and he could drive the documents for us! He came by this evening and got them, and they will go to the Consulate Monday morning without us having to drive down, spend the money on gas to go down, spend the money on the courier, or wait for Fed Ex to do the driving for us! Then, if all goes as planned, the fully authenticated dossier will be back on its way to us overnight Tuesday and we will overnight it to our adoption agency after finishing a few little steps once it is back! The agency should have it by Friday morning!! I cannot believe it!

God knew that the hurricane was coming and I would not be able to take my trip as planned. He knew how long it would take to get the document back from Houston. He knew that the Consulate would be closed October 1-3. He knew that when I did the math, my heart would sink as I realized that there would be another two week delay. He had already planned for our friend to be headed down at the same time as we would need to go. He had already planned for this friend and my brother to take off from work during this next week to repair the fence. He even planned for my brother's insurance to come through and be ready with all the details for the fence repair to be able to occur this coming week! God anticipated that I would need this done faster than the courier would be able to do it, and he once again provided all the details to get it done. Isn't He great? He knows me so well, and rather than get upset with me for being so frail, He loves me enough to provide for me what I need.

I sure hope each and ever person I know and love is able to have this kind of experience, too. This is really a lesson that is better learned first hand!

We All Knew This Was Coming, Right?

Of course we all knew it would be Rachel, AKA "The Trouble Maker." She likes to pat my belly and say "There's a baby in there." Anywhere she thinks I look a little tubby (can you say love handles) she pats and says, "There's a baby in there."

Today, Del was sitting on the couch about to nod off for a nap when Rachel jumped up on the couch with him and started patting his belly. "Is there a baby in there?" I laughed so hard I snorted. That's my Rachel. Isn't she cute?

Is the House Hunt Finally Over???

Here's the latest.

I guess you sort of already know about the house. It's a 5 bedroom, 3.5 bathroom, 2 master, 3442 square foot house that is fully foreclosed. We'll be purchasing it for $68 a square foot; the single best deal we've come across yet. All other houses we've seen with this exact floor plan are selling for $100,000 more than the bank is selling this house to us for or more.. It is not in a CDD community, the neighborhood has one street and is gated. There are 37 houses in the neighborhood and it backs up to a large lake.

We had the inspections done on it on Saturday. They didn't uncover anything crazy, except there are termites in the front yard. They haven't made it to the house yet. It'll cost nearly $1000 rid the yard/house of termites or the threat of termites and fire ants and any other sort of 6- or 8- or 100-legged creature that may want to reside on the property.

Being foreclosed, the house needs work. We'll have to replace all the appliances in the kitchen and the faucet and maybe even the cabinet under the kitchen sink. It needs a very good cleaning (can you say "Merry Maids"). The upstairs has bamboo flooring (lovely) and the downstairs has tile (yuck).

All in all, I'm very happy about this. Although I wanted to just abandon this wretched state and all its taxes and CDDs and run away to Texas, I feel that this is where God wants us. We've tried to buy four houses this year and this is the only one that has gone this smoothly. We've asked God to bar the way if the current house we were trying to buy wasn't the one and he ALWAYS has. This house has been smooth sailing. We put in the offer Monday, they accepted Tuesday, We signed more paperwork Wednesday, they returned the signed paperwork/contract Thursday and had the house inspected Saturday. We've got insurance and a guaranteed 6% interest loan. All the things we said were a requirement have been met and I just have to believe that God wants us here for now.

I wonder what it is that I am supposed to be learning here. There is a never ending stream of "things you don't know about God but you should know." The waiting and the timing and the trusting...it's all very difficult for my frail excuse of faith. I very often found myself yelling at God because I lost my trust that he knew what he was doing. It's at times like this that I feel really stupid and sheepish and repentant that I ever lost faith at all and humbled that HE always knows what the plan is and whatever it is, it is good, even if it doesn't seem like it at the time. I need to learn to view my circumstances through his eyes instead of through my own flawed human eyes.

Haven't I had this conversation with myself before on many occasions? Why can't I learn?

Here's the front of the house. The house next door is for sale and there's one other house for sale in the neighborhood. It need a lot of yard work, to say the least. It's not the most attractive house I've ever seen, but it'll do.

There's the stairs up and the room that Del is coming out of is the bonus room. That there will be where we accomplish all sorts of school and fun stuff like that. There's a wet bar in there that I didn't like at first but then Del mentioned that it's got a working sink!!! What school couldn't use a sink for things like cleaning up after art class and such. Great idea. It has room for a small fridge, too. Don't know if we'll actually put a fridge there or build shelves in that area. We think the former owners played a lot of pool in that room.

Here's part of the kitchen and the breakfast nook. The pantry is nice and big. It's not the biggest kitchen we've seen in our house search, but it's about 3 times as big as the current one I've been working in for 2.5 years and the biggest one I've ever been able to use on a daily basis so I'm happy. My dream would be to have a gas cook top and double ovens in there. How does a large family survive without double ovens?There is the bedroom the girls will stay in. Look, it's already purple! And check out the bamboo floors! I think it's so cool because it's big enough to fit all five of the girls in there, and their dressers and all their toys. It's as big as both the secondary rooms put together in our current apartment. That leaves enough rooms for a sewing room for me. THANK YOU JESUS!!!

I Am a Flower In the Countryside

Psalm 193:13-16
Just as a father has compassion on his children,
ADONAI has compassion on those who fear him.
For he understands how we are made,
he remembers that we are dust.
Yes, a human being’s days are like grass,
he sprouts like a flower in the countryside –
but when the wind sweeps over, it’s gone;
and its place know it no more.

Proverbs 14:1
Every wise woman builds up her home,
but a foolish one tears it down with her own hands.

Faith. Family.

I think that particular proverb must be my very favorite ever. You can read it in so many different ways and it still instructs us to take care of our home, not just our house.

These two passages from the Bible really press upon me where our priorities should be as women of faith, mothers of faith. I’ve heard it said often by women who have children and then go outside the home for a job that they “want to make a difference in the world.” I think that’s all well and good; we all want to make a difference in our world, but the Bible clearly says here that our time on earth is fleeting and meaningless. In the end, your impact is biggest on your children and your husband, and to entrust your children’s care to relative strangers and compete with your husband over who’s career is more important is “tearing your house down with your own hands” only to have your existence and “difference” forgotten about relatively quickly in the span of time.

When I think about my grandmother, who died nearly four years ago, I wonder who remembers her. Her husband, her daughters, and her grandchildren do. I’m sure that there are people out there scratching their heads trying to remember “what that lady’s name was,” but it’s her family that still thinks of the difference she made in our lives, we still cook her recipes and talk about her over dinner.

It does make me wonder why we still ponder over things that people have said in the past, like Aristotle and Plato. I’ll admit I haven’t studied them to any degree that is notable; did they say anything that is truly worth repeating? Or do we just contemplate their speeches because we like to think we think deeply. You can’t deny that people have said and done things in the past that have left a lasting impression on the world. Martin Luther, Mother Theresa and Abraham Lincoln all come to mind in an instant. But they weren’t mothers.

I am thankful today that God understands that I am simply dust and he loves me and forgives me when I start tearing my house down with my own hands. I am thankful for all the blessings he has bestowed on me and for a mind clear enough to see and appreciate them as the blessings that they are. I think I’ll go do some laundry.

Not Your Nature Television

Yesterday we went on a Fabulous Family Adventure. Don't you just love those? We went to the Alafia River State Park and hiked, picnicked and played on their playground, screamed at bugs, bled, threw rocks and sticks and leaves and oohed and aahed at all the wonders of God's great creation.

Having grown up hiking and camping mainly in southwest Colorado and northwest New Mexico the flora and fauna of Florida is so different. I miss the aspen trees and columbines and the smell of pine trees and the rocks you can pick up anywhere and throw in the rivers. It's hard to find rocks in Florida. It's all sand and these teeny little excuses for rocks. Makes gardening easier, but not quite as fun when you're hiking.

One thing that I learned yesterday had something to do with the whole communication issue in regards to Shepherding a Child's Heart. I find myself often being bored or uninterested in what my kids are talking to me about and it's usually because they are retelling me parts of movies they've seen over and over and over again. As I was tucking the kids in last night I stopped and talked to Sarah in depth about her day, asking her what her favorite part was and what her least favorite part was and it was genuinely fun talking to her about our adventures. I am starting to consider the television and it's distractions and divisive qualities as one of the biggest detriments to a good, quality communication relationship with my kids. This is something that God is really convicting me about. I am not convinced that all television time is inherently evil (although I'm willing to discuss the merits of this argument), but I am of the persuasion that our family watches too much T.V.

On a lighter note, someone please tell me what the deal is with this...frog. We thought he was a new frog with his "tadpole" still attached but he's awfully big to be a baby frog, we thought. It's a little creepy.

Thought For the Day

"All our days ebb away under your wrath;
our years die away like a sigh.
The span of our life is seventy years,
or if we are strong, eighty;
yet at best it is toil and sorrow,
over in a moment, and then we are gone.

Who grasps the power of your anger and wrath
to the degree that the fear due you should inspire?
So teach us to count our days,
so that we will be come wise.

Return, ADONAI! How long must it go on?
Take pity on your servants!
Fill us at daybreak with your love,
so that we can sing for joy as long as we live."

Psalm 90:9-14 Complete Jewish Bible


I don't really care for poetry all that much, but this is beautiful to me. I'd love to know Hebrew so I could read it in it original form.

(Re)Considering Ballet

As you know, we have the two older girls in a dance class each. Sarah's is ballet, tap, tumbling for an hour and Ella's is ballet for 45 minutes. I have had conflicting feelings about sending the girls to a dance class from the very beginning, often saying things about "poise", "grace" and "discipline" to ease any conscience pricks that may have arisen.

From my reading post, you also know that I have had the intention to read Tedd Tripp's Shepherding a Child's Heart. So, I have been waking up with Del and after he leaves I read my bible and a book until the kids wake up. I am reading Mr. Tripp's book and it is quite a doozy; very conscience pricking.

Here's my issue with ballet.

We are to have a God-oriented, God-glorifying, God-pleasing life.

1) We can get them to ballet on time every week without fail but we can't get them to church? We don't even do a simple Sunday service at home in our house. We don't even do a daily bible study, but we sure can get them to ballet on time.

2) Are we sending them to ballet because of the social pressure of giving your child what makes them happy? The "grace" thing doesn't always resonate with me considering what I see them learning in class. They learn the recital and not the discipline of ballet. The only reason we sent them in the first place is because Sarah asked to go and we like to give them things that make them happy.

3) Does ballet counteract our modesty message? I don't want them in the recital because I don't want them performing in public in tights and a leotard, but does simply sending them to ballet give them mixed messages about beauty and modesty?

4) What is the end purpose of ballet? Does it glorify God? If we are teaching them that everything we do glorifies God, is ballet what they should be doing at this time?

Some things that Tedd brought up that have made me consider these things are:

We homeschool; we "refuse to have them influenced by secular humanism in school, but will expose them to unbiblical ideas of beauty in dance class."

"Many families who always have time for team practice are unable to organize family life around regular times of family Bible reading and prayer. What values are taught?"

From the shorter catechism:
Q: What is the chief end of man?
A: Man's chief end is to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever.

"You must equip your children to function in a culture that has abandoned the knowledge of God. If you teach them to use their abilities, aptitudes, talents and intelligence to make their lives better, without reference to God, you turn them away from God. If your objectives are anything other than "Man's chief end is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever," you teach your children to function in the culture on its terms."

All these things are making me question ballet, at this time. I feel we as a family need to put more of an emphasis on glorifying God on a daily basis, before we venture out into other activities.

I also think that because I homeschool, I desired to put them into ballet so that I could prove to other people that we are normal; we do normal things, just like everyone else. This is hardly a God-glorifying reason to put them in such an expensive and time consuming activity.

Weekend Update

We have an executed contract on the house we're trying to buy; we're just waiting for the bank to approve it. Our realtor and the loan guy are both positive that the bank will just sign the papers and hand over the keys. This is the closest we've ever been to being $250,000 in debt. It's a wee bit scary.

We went to visit my grandma over the weekend. I remember as I was growing up, watching myself get taller than her; at the same time I was getting taller, she was shrinking. I can't wait to be as short and cute and lovable as she is and to be surrounded by my family. We went on a walk and saw two alligators and rescued a huge turtle.

I was thinking about righteousness. When I think about my life I know I've fallen way short of God's expectations. I get nervous about God's judgement; how is that going to go down? Once when I was 13 I asked my (ex)uncle if ,when God was judging me, I'd be embarrassed. He barked basically that I should be more concerned about obeying God than being embarrassed. He was very unsympathetic to a young teen wondering about God. Anyway, sometimes I still think about that. I'm not so worried about being embarrassed as far as what other people will think of me, but what God will think of me. "Not righteous," is what I'm thinking. (This is a lot of thinking, I think.) Anyway, what eases my worry is that God credited Abraham's trust as righteousness (Genesis 15:6). Abraham was not always trusting, or obedient, yet God still called him righteous. This gives me comfort on two levels. 1) God is just and we can trust him to judge us justly, 2) Abraham was just. like. me.

Some Things I've Learned (or re-learned) Recently

This is probably not an exhaustive list, but I feel like in light of the last post and our conversation this morning, I really want to compile a list of what I am learning - some serious, some not so much...

• God is absolutely sovereign, even when I don't feel like he is
• Jerry loves me just the way I am
• Boys will spit any where, any time, for any reason
• Turning over my will to God is a daily job
• With a little diligence, I actually can keep my kitchen clean
• Everything tastes better with cheese (okay, almost everything)
• People will type really strange things into google: click here and scroll down to "How Did You Get Here?"
• I still have much room for improvement in my marriage
• I need to (and want to) learn how to show Jerry that I respect him
• Men are from Mars, women are from Venus

What about you?

Growth = Change = Serenity?

God has been teaching me a lot these days. I am being shown many things in my life that are a bit out of place or need to be changed. I am feeling the conviction and the guidance of the Holy Spirit and know God is wanting me to grow, and to grow I must change. I actually like change. I love the idea of moving across an ocean for a time to live somewhere totally different. I have been known to cut 10 inches off my hair without telling a single soul before hand. I resist cooking something I've cooked before - even when I liked it the first time! But when it comes to changing myself, the one person I am actually in control of and able to change, I resist change. I think that is only normal, but I wish I was as willing to change my inside as I am my outside. When I think of the word change, a prayer comes to mind - The Serenity Prayer. I am not really one for rote prayers, preferring to pray my own words to God, but this one has been powerful to me. It has come to be known as a 12-step group prayer said by alcoholics, but that isn't actually it's origin at all. It goes like this:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

the courage to change the things that I can,

and the wisdom to know the difference.

Most people think it ends there, but there is actually more:

Living one day at a time,

Enjoying one moment at a time,

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace.

Taking, as He did, this sinful word as it is, not as I would have it,

Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will,

That I may be reasonably happy in this life,

and supremely happy with Him forever in the next.

But serenity is such an archaic word. What does it mean to be serene? So I looked it up. According to Webster, it is "clear and free from storms or unpleasant change; calm." Yeah, I need that. I need to be calm and clear in the midst of things I cannot change, for they are numerous. I need loads of courage to change the things I can, for they too are numerous. And as for the wisdom to know the difference - God promises me that if I ask him for wisdom, he'll give it to me. Someone once said, "It is God's grace that he doesn't confront me with all my sin at once." It is his grace that takes me to times like this to show me one more layer of things I can change to be more like him. And he is trustworthy! I can trust him to make all things right if I surrender to his will.

I have been reminded the last couple of days of Matthew 6:33, "Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added unto you." I have spent much time seeking "all these things" and God just wants me to seek him. I cannot do anything about all these things. Only God can change the things outside of me. I have been praying that God would help me to hunger more for him, and he is! I feel so challenged to seek him, and let him take care of the rest. He'll do a better job with it than I would anyway!

You Are the Sun

Ever heard of Sara Groves? She is my favorite female songstress...EVER. She has a beautiful voice and her lyrics are filled with hope and forgiveness and praise. One of my favorite songs of her makes me cry just about every time. The analogy is profound.

You Are the Sun

You are the sun shining down on everyone
Light of the world giving light to everything I see
Beauty so brilliant I can hardly take it in
And everywhere you are is warmth and light

And I am the moon with no light of my own
Still you have made me to shine
And as I glow in this cold dark night
I know I can't be a light unless I turn my face to you

You are the sun shining down on everyone
Light of the world giving light to everything I see
Beauty so brilliant I can hardly take it in
And everywhere you are is warmth and light

And I am the moon with no light of my own
Still you have made me to shine
And as I glow in this cold dark night
I know I can't be a light unless I turn my face to you

Shine on me with your light
Without you I'm a cold dark stone
Shine on me I have no light of my own
You are the sun, you are the sun, you are the sun
And I am the moon

Rewrite This Tragedy is another that makes me cry.

Fear

So, I know that God says in the bible to not be afraid, but sometimes I freak myself out. I was just now making some bread and as I was proofing the yeast, I thought to myself that if the world were to crash I'd want to stock up on yeast but that actually I should probably learn to gather yeast from the air; I've heard that you can do that. Somethimes I just can't believe that all this prosperity is going to last much longer and that somehow I will need survival skills that I don't currently possess and I should brush up on all those skills that frontiersmen and women knew so that my family and I can survive WHEN we lose the internet, cars, electricity, etc. Is that bizarre or what? I have to remind myself that God is in control here and everything that happens is a way to learn about his character and to trust in him more. Anyway, it's a bit more complicated than what I've got written here but my yeast has proofed and I have to go finish making it. I'm just going to make the pita recipe and bake it as a loaf of bread to see what happens.